What is your validation quotient?I

just made this up after my coaching session today.

It means “to what extent are you getting your sense of worth from others’ validation.”

Yesterday I spent 2 hours in a sweat lodge in Mexico. It was small and dark and hot, of course. There was singing and the setting of intentions. Also, much gratitude and acknowledgement of family, and even some tears.

It's the morning of the first work day of 2024.

What are you facing when you go back to work?

A peaceful environment with satisfying work and kind colleagues?
Or - a shocking new development, with the most #distressingwork you have ever experienced??

What do you do when you need to work - but are too traumatized by your last job to go back to doing more of the same?

This can be a very painful conundrum for so many people in the workplace!

What are you feeling confident about today?

I know - not a fair question on a Monday.

I will go first:

I feel confident about helping my #careerchange clients recover THEIR confidence!

Where is the ground? Where is the sky? Where am I?

I took this photo at Seaside on the Oregon Coast recently and was awestruck at the disappearing line between sand and sky. Beautiful, yes?

How do you tell the truth to yourself when in the middle of a job or career dumpster fire?

(“Dumpster fire” is how many of my clients are describing this year’s job market.)

Once upon a time, on the eve of my 3rd decade, I threw myself off a career cliff. It took me 5 years to recover.

In one month, I turned 30, left a 5 year job at a large software company near Seattle, broke up with a boyfriend and moved to a new apartment.

The work and places I left behind were all distressing.

This is Little Me, age 6. Already expressing autonomy in mixing those crazy prints!

I keep Little Me around to remind myself to have empathy.

For me, and you and people I have never met.
And to remember who I was before the adult world had its way.

Every Sunday night is the same.

You watch the clock as it gets closer and closer to the end of the night. And to Monday when another week at the job making you increasingly uncomfortable begins.

You know you need to do something about the stress your hashtag#distressingwork is causing in your life – binge eating, tension with your significant other, snapping at colleagues, doom scrolling LinkedIn.

Should I stay? Should I go? Should I listen to The Clash again to help me decide what to do about the hashtag#distressingwork I recently found myself in?

Yes, I had to coach MYSELF the same way I do for clients who feel stuck in the same spot.

Sometimes making a decision to leave #distressingwork is as simple as flipping the bozo bit. You may have already done it and not even noticed!What is the "bozo bit", you ask?

And what on earth does it have to do with your decision to do something new for your job or career?

Oh, those Monday blues, the dragging feeling of heading back to a job that's miserable. You've asked yourself, "What's In It For Me?" (WIFM), but the answer has been elusive. You've shared your gripes with friends and loved ones, knowing full well your job isn't what you want – but not exactly what to do about it.

So, why ARE you still here?

Whoa! I wasn't expecting THAT! What just happened here?

One of the biggest stressors at work (and in life!) can be unmet expectations.

Did you interview with an amazing manager and accept the role largely in part because of her - and then you show up on day one and find out she left the company? Or maybe your job responsibilities are not at all when you expected from the job description?

How many of you have daydreamed about doing something else for work than you are doing at this very moment? 

• Make art instead of slide decks?

• Build cabinets not spreadsheets?

• Take off for 6 months to travel instead of attending 6 hours of meetings today?  Leave this extremely distressing job NOW - instead of suffering through months of indecision?
  
  Why don't you just do it?

Yesterday I spent an hour hearing my dentist's career journey.

It was long and winding and fascinating (and a good distraction to dental work).

I was struck one again by how many of us (most? all?) end up somewhere far different from what we said we wanted to do for a career at age 5, 18, 30 or even 55.

The boob tube (TV) occasionally provides some significant inspiration!

I just watched the end of "Survival of the Thickest" on Netflix, starring the impressive Michelle Buteau.

This quote about daring, power and fear knocked me in the face like an ocean wave. I came across it while reading a preview copy of my friend Michelle Minnikin's book, Good Girl Deprogramming, in a chapter on dealing with threats.

I was walloped because I am finally experiencing it.

Trouble in mind
Yes I'm blue
But I won't be blue always
Sun is gonna shine
In my back door someday

These are the lyrics to a really old blues song from the 1920's called "Trouble In Mind," one of many songs in a genre created by enslaved people looking for hope in any corner.

Please don’t (virtually) punch me but I don’t believe in being thankful.

I very much appreciate things in my life. I’m thrilled beyond belief at much of my good fortune. But for me, the word "thankful" sounds like another way of keeping women in their place.